Support your Child

PROVIDING EFFICIENT SUPPORT TO CHILDREN


The old methods of giving birth to children with no goals in mind can no more work. 1990s and the following 21st Century are very different from the past. Now the reality is 'perform or perish'. This reality is going to affect our children in the coming years. The new economic reforms ushered in our country clearly demand high quality performance and achievement in the years to come and our children would therefore have a demanding period of life.

Parents have therefore to get clear of the above and equip their children accordingly.

We have already dealt with in great detail in what manner parents have to shape themselves and their children to make them 'perform' effectively. We have already told in this book that parents have to keep the turf [i.e. the house], in a congenial manner and both the husband and wife team have to function effec¬tively having no conflict at home. We have also told the parents that they have to be qualitatively 'available' to their children to guide them effectively.

I have been observing many homes and find that parents do not come in a single variety. They are found to be of different kinds. The varieties I have seen are:

No time parents
who have no time to attend to the family. They are engrossed in other preoccupa tions and hence have left the home management to their spouse.

Worker parents
These parents do the job of their children and give them total attention.Even the home work of the children are done by these parents and believe that they have to work for them. This causes no development in children.

Boss parents
These parents behave like a Lord at home and boss over every one including the spouse.

Popular parents
These parents spend lavishly on their children and get them whatever they want
In some cases, even they bribe their children to make them obey instructions.
Giving of more than barely needed pocket money also comes within this definition.
Such children get highly pampered and ultimately get spoiled.


Fire parents
These parents believe in putting up a sense of fear in their children to make them obey. They do not realise that children in such circumstances put up a false front of obedience, but resent such behaviour in parents internally.

Constraint parents
These parents have their own excuses for not doing their parental duties. These people believe that their children are already rotten and spoiled and nothing can improve them. Hence they remain unhappy and withdrawn always.

Financier parents
These parents think that their duty is over once they get their children the needed books, note books, etc and pay of their school fees. In case despite this, the children do not get good grades, they arrange tuitions. They legitimately believe that it is the duty of school to develop their children.

Parents have to realise that none of these parent models would work towards proper upbringing of their children.

The correct parent model depends on the stage at which the child stands intellectually.

If the child is a beginner, one has to act as a real parent providing him what he needs, explaining what to do, how to do and treating him with love and encouraging him to involve in his own development.

If the child is already learning and taking interest, then the parents have to act as teacher, asking questions, explaining, and expanding his thinking and ensuring his input.

If the child is a climber, taking deep interest in his onward move, the parents have to act as a friend, supporting his effort, appreciating and praising him for his performance and motivating him to do more.

If he is already a topper, parents have to give him all the needed assistance and behave like a grand parent leaving him on his own except be enquiring from time to time whether he needs any help.

In all cases, parents have to practise a good touch. They have to fondly touch the child frequently making him feel the care of the parents. They should not hesitate to pat him whenev¬er there is need for encouragement. Shaking hands to assure, drawing the child closer to comfort and hugging him to celebrate success are other means to practise the touch. The beauty with the 'touch' is that it conveys love, affection, comfort, support, security, encouragement etc. and would influence the inner talk of the child in favour of the parents. This favourable inner talk of the child is so important for him to develop positive attitudes which alone can take him towards the building up of the self confidence in him.