In these days higher education is so important that parents
are obliged to send the children for outstations for pursuing
higher learning. In some homes they have to send their children
away for employment since rarely one gets employment in his
native place.
The children leave. For parents that is a very difficult
time. They are happy and sorrow both at the same time. In fact
as the time of departure ners, their feeling of separation over¬
takes them.
One thing, they can no more see the child daily. Their
meeting will become occasional. They would henceforth be visi¬
tors. The parting is almost final. How can the parents who had
taken so much effort and care in bringing them up can withstand
the feeling of parting and separation? Mother is the first one
to burst out when the child leaves. The father gulps his feel¬
ings since he knows men cannot cry. But he too bursts out once
the child leaves and fades in horizon.
Apart from separation, the parents are more worried about
the future well being of the child. They are anxiousas to how
the small child [for them, their child is always small] would
manage in the new place among strangers. But here the child
speaks like an adult. He says 'I would manage; don't worry'.
But the parents are not relieved.
On the day of departure every one is charged with emotions.
Lots of advices and concerns get expressed. Lots ofassurances
are traded. Each promises to get in touch with each other through
postal and telephonic communication.
The whistle, the green flag and the train leaves.
Back at home parents are in high gloomy state. The child
feels restless in train, goes down the memory lane, gets emotion¬
al. but controls.
He slowly gets ready to face the new free life. Moves with
people, acquires new contacts and gets new friends. Writes a
letter to parents about the new place, new acquaintances and
communicates that there is nothing for them to worry about.
Parents communiciate in reply, with lots of advice.
A fortnight passes. The adolescent has gained roots in the
new place. He moves around with a small group of newly found
friends. The letters from parents arrive. He thinks he would
write tomorrow. Tomorrow again he gets no time. Letter writing
postponed to Sunday. But Sunday he finds himself more occupied
with items accumulated for the weekend and with friends. Any way
he writes the letter on Sunday late night, hurriedly. He writes
there that he is very busy with studies and that next time he
would write a detailed letter.
Parents are disappointed to receive a short letter, but
sympathise with the child for his lack of time. Each parent
consoles the other and speaks in support of their child.
But the detailed letter is yet to be received. In fact the
frequency of letters get reduced and despite parents' repeated
complaining to him in their letters, there is little difference.
What eyes do not see, the heart does not week for!
What has really happened to the boy or girl?
The problem is stroking.
When there are friends to energise him morning till evening,
he finds little time to free himself for his duties towards his
parents. Over period, it is acquaintances who come to sustain his
life, support his life and help him in all his needs. When they
attend to him so much, he too in return has to be attending to
them. The principle of mutuality takes over.
Parents re the main people who shape a child. The child, as
he grows, always questions himself before he does anything wheth¬
er parents would approve of what he proposes to do. Even when
parents are absent from the immediate vicinity, he asks for the
approval of parents from the image of parents he carries in his
mind. For him parents approval is of prime importance. That is
he goes by the script he had received from his parents.
But when an adolescent has gone to a new place, away from
parents day to day control, he starts acquiring new scipts from
his new environment. It is possibly here that he smokes for the
first time in lie and even starts thinking that drinking is not
all that bad. New scripts !
The more and more he acquires newer and newer scripts, the
image of his parents start waning day by day and one day hetotal¬
ly becomes free of parental influence and turns a new man, some¬
time to the shock of parents.
Parents to note !
When you plan to send your child away for settling for a
considerable period [a couple of years is sufficient], be ready
to receive a new personality. He would come back changed in his
opinions, in his habits and in his scripts. Someone said
Children are like race horses
You can groom and teach them to run
One day they will run
And you can't run with them !
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