Temper Tantrums

Children often get into anger due to various reasons, 
whether justified or not. This anger is reflected by different 
children in different ways:

a] Some children take to violent display of tantrums by 
kicking, shouting and crying

b] Some children closet themselves into a room or go 
elsewhere to brood over the matter.

c] Some remain at home, but showing a hung face and refrain 
from talking to any one

d] some resort to hunger strike and adamency till the demand 
is met.

Well, these temper displays are not peculiar to children 
alone. Even grown up people resort to these. The [a] category 
man does this to his wife and children. The [b] category man 
leaves the house and does not return home till late in the night 
or even the next day morning. The [c] remains aloof and does not 
talk to his family people and the [d] does say 'I have no appe¬
tite'. These are extensions of his childhood carried over be¬
cause these tantrums remain uncorrected even till late in life.

Parents would do well, on such occasions to ponder over the 
matter as to whether there was any lack on their part in stoke 
giving to the child. If only parents had been showing 
appreciation to the child for all his good conduct, the child 
would never feel the necessity to show temper, for he would have 
already known what is the productive behaviour and how he should 
communicate his need. It is only where the children had been 
denied of stroking, they resort to display of temper tantrums.

Let us now consider as to how to handle the children who 
display tantrums.

In tackling the tantrums, some parents take to shouting, 
ordering or even punishing. While these may temporarily calm 
down the child, his inner voice would be one of hostility and 
hate towards the parent. Hence this method always fails to 
change the child inwardly.

Some parents resort to coaxing and cajoling. When the child 
knows that parents are soft, he would demand that his demand be 
met, if not now, atleast later. Usually such pampering parents 
cave in and the child gets to know as to how to 'extract'. Thus 
this again is an inappropriate way of handling the situation.

It is the opinion of researchers that the tempered child 
should be allowed to have the steam out. When the coolness 
returns, even if a couple of hours or a day later, the child 
should be fondled and the following message given:

My dear, why did you do that?
Did your shouting/brooding/sulking help?
I had not given in because you abandoned discussing and
resorted to striking.
You convince me of your need, I shall help you get that.
You have to earn what you want, mere demand does not help.

Changing the child inwardly is more important than buying 
peace at the time when the child strikes.