The above subject could be studied under three different
topics. They are:
Factors that influence the growth of children
What children long to see in parents
What children basically need
We shall see the above one by one.
Factors that influence the growth of children
It is necessary for parents to know that there are various
factors that have ahand in developing or limiting the child's
growth. They are:
1. The kind of food that the child takes
2. The type of house where the child is brought up
3. The kind of dress that the child is made to wear
4. The occupation in which the parent is engaged
5. The example that the parent sets
6. The parent's emotional health
7. The economic status of the family
8. The learning atmosphere at home
9. The kind of teachers/teaching that the child gets
10. The kind of media to which the child is exposed
11. The script that the parents provide
12. The support, encouragement and motivation the child gets
13. The spare time interests that the child is led to
These should be the focus areas for the parents interested
in developing children. All the above focus areas may not be
within the capacity of the parents to change. But the parents
should see that as many of the above are kept positive for the
child.
What children long to see in parents
Parents have a lot of expectations from their sons and
daughters. It is this reason that they are always out to ensure
apropriate behaviour in their children.
In any human transaction, there are always two parties and
consequently there are two-way expectations. Parents would do
well to oknow what children expect of their parents
When I was planning to write on the above, a thought flew
into my mind 'why not write it in the language of children them¬
selves?' The result is the following poem:
I am lucky to have your love and care
While you always forgive, I wouldn't dare.
I have never seen you shout or scream
Instead you shared your thoughts and dream.
Never you had acted punishing or in whims
But listened and remained a wind beneath my wings.
Father, as the root of our family tree you have helped me grow, yet leaving me free.
You, my idol, I respect, rever and admire
Your calm, smile and nobility that inspire
In being your child, I take a real pride
For you always support, encourage and guide.
You, my best friend, any lad would live very sad
Without a Father like you, my dear Dad !
I am sure, the expectations of a child from his father are
very clear from the above poem. Still I consider it worthwhile to
recapitulate the expected qualities of parents as under:
Yes List No list Result to be achieved
Love Emotions Being admired
Care Shouting Being respected
Forgiveness Screaming Being revered
Smile Punishing Children to take
Calm Whims pride in being
Nobility Undue controls your children
Support Strength of hands
Encouragement Undue discipline
Guidance
Freedom
Friendliness
Sharing thoughts
Sharing dreams
Help for growth
There are some more specific points which parents need know.
They are
1. Even parents who are very busy should find quality time for
being with their children and this way Parents shuld make child¬
ren feel important and special to them. If ever they see children
unhappy, they should cheer him up.
2. Parents themselves should remain positively active to serve
as role models for their children.
3. Both the parents must love each other and they should be
close. The best security blanket a child can have is parents who
respect each other.
Please note that there is “no mention of the following” in the
expectation of children:
Wealth that you leave
Pocket money that you give
What children basically need
A study of economics will indicate that every human being
has a variety of needs and wants and these are unlimited.
Applying this to children, we can identify presence of a
variety of needs in them.
1. Physical needs
Infants frequently cry and every cry of the infant
indicates that he needs something and something is bothering him.
The infant's needs are basically physical. The need can be
further defined as need for freedom from hunger, thirst and
suffocation. They are basically survival needs. Once these
needs are tackled and satisfied, the baby goes to sleep.
2. Belonging needs
Over a month or so the baby develops his vision and is able
to see around and starts identifying his mother. He now looks
forward to her love and affection. A child deprived of mother's
love, care, touch, embrace and cuddling, would have a hampered
growth since these human needs remain unfulfilled and he remains
preoccupied with the suffering due to deprivation which affects
his mental and physical growth. On the contrary if these needs
are fulfilled, he grows.
With further growth in the child, he now identifies more
people at home and starts reciprocating by smiling and responding
to others. With their care, love and affection being showered on
him, his need for sense of belonging gets fulfilled enabling
better physical and mental growth.
3. Security needs
Time passes, the child understands the family and
environment, he starts moving around. Still he avoids strangers.
At this stage he refuses to get into the arms of even family
friends because they are yet to gain recognition from the child.
At this stage of life, the need of the child is for security.
Children's sense of security also gets affected if parents
fight among themselves. The child fears that the two might part
and may abandon him. Hence harmony between parents gets the
child the much needed sense of security and it is this sense of
security that enables him to concentrate on his other activities
and grow effectively.
4. Intellectual needs
With no anxiety from security angle, the child now develops
the need to explore, observe and understand. He starts moving
around in the house and starts grabbing items, feel them, taste
them and understand them. You can be sure that at this stage,
the child's intellectual needs have come to the fore. Now is the
time he needs to be exposed to different things and it is time he
is provided with toys of different varieties, so that the child
can develop his general knowledge. This can be followed by
alphabets, pictures, books etc. These should be then followed by
music, such as rhymes. The child grows through these support
tools and acquires intellectual ability.
5. Possession need
After Physical, security, belonging and intellectual needs,
arrive the fifth need, viz., ownership need. In this age, the
child seeks to keep the things for itself and refuses to part
with items or share the same with other children. At this age,
the child demands anything it sees anew, such as toys whether it
is in a shop or with another child and seeks to possess the same.
6. Esteem need
The intellectual need and the ownership need grow somewhat
in an overlapping manner. Curiously around this age the children
also develop an esteem need, the sixth need. Here the child
expects that parents should treat him with dignity. You spank
the child, it resents it and either engages into a temper tan¬
trums or withdraws itself and avoids talking and socialising,
even if it be for a temporary period.
7. Justice need
The child at this stage starts moving around other children
either in the school or in the neighbourhood. At home and school
he wants to be treated on par with other children around and does
not want to be treated with any partiality or bias. This is
indicative of the fact that the child has developed understanding
and ability. It also indicates that the child has developed his
justice need. If treated unfairly, his expresses displeasure and
this resentment of the child tells us that he feels denied of
fairness and justice.
With this seventh need entering into the minds of a child,
parents have to understand that he has come of age and should no
more be treated as a child, but be treated as a person. From
then on mutual interactions must be encouraged between the par¬
ents and the child and every effort should be made to make him
understand the issues involved in any demand or conflict. The
child should be encouraged to ask questions and get satisfied.
Of these seven, except for intellectual need, the remaining
grow stronger when there is a deprivation. For example, if food
is not available, the physical need becomes an urge. Similarly
if there is no love or affection, the belonging need turns into
an urge, even a killer urge.
On the contrary, as far as intellectual need is concerned,
if there is a deprivation of say materials for study, the
intellectual need gets smudged and over period recedes.
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